Wednesday, February 13, 2008

V-day, D-day

I hate Valentine’s Day.

It’s like a parade. You set yourself up thinking it’s going to be so much fun and it just ends up being stupid.

When you are unattached, Valentine’s Day is just another reminder how much it sucks to not have a boyfriend. On the flip side, if you have a man V-Day sets stupid expectations in girls’ heads. Every year at work, people get so pissed off if their boyfriend doesn’t send flowers. I’ve even seen some people upset that someone else’s flowers were bigger and better. Ahhh the romance.

Marketers each year do their very best to attach their product to V-Day. Here are some of the worst.

Toast Stamper – I couldn’t write anything better than what the product description says:
“Nothing says "I love you" better than toast. Think about it...it's sweet, it's warm...it's, um, better with butter. Wait, what? Anyway, this Toast Stamper is awesome. Just press it into a piece of bread (plain white bread works best), remove it, and then toast your bread on your toaster's "dark" setting. The result will be the most romantic toast ever! Toast! Imported. Hand wash.” (from Urban Outfitters, photo from UrbanOutfitters.com).

Photo Tote – “The Today Show” feels this is the way to a woman’s heart.
"A woman's handbag says a lot about who she is, and this one speaks volumes. You choose the statement it makes by uploading your photo to our website for placement on its exterior. Photo will be printed on both sides. Picture needs to be uploaded as a jpeg (minimum photo size is 3" x 5") and a horizontal photo works best. Photos should not contain any type of logos or trademark.
Note to my two readers – you buy me one of these and I will punch you. (From Red Envelope, photo from RedEnvelope.com)

A Digital Message – I am all about going green, but this is just piss poor. According to a Yahoo Survey…“Thirty-two percent will send their Happy Valentine's Day wishes by leaving a voice-mail message, 31 percent by e-card, 26 percent by e-mail, 25 percent by Webcam, 25 percent by blog entry, 21 percent by texting and 18 percent by IM.

Dude – pick up the phone and call the person. Maybe I am old fashioned, but what is it with people’s fear of communicating verbally? Please, don’t send me a Happy V-Day text. Spend 30 more cents and mail a card.

Chunk, Gumball Rings and Paris Hilton…How Horrible! – So upon googling “Valentine’s Day Gifts” gifts.com comes up first (aka someone in their marketing department bought some ad words). A whole site devoted to gifts – their list must be good. Let’s see…You can get a “I Heart Chunk” from the Goonies shirt.
In the market for a ring? Gifts.com has a sweet acrylic option (above). That would be a big downer if some guy pulled a prank by giving you one of these in a Tiffany box.
Finally, there is the life-size cut out of Paris Hilton. I mean, who doesn’t think of their boyfriend when they see a celebrity cut out of a girl wearing minimal clothes. Maybe I will buy Brady the Sports Illustrated Swim Suit edition for V-day so he can look at hot girls in bathing suits while I run at the gym. Good idea Gifts.com. (photos from Gifts.com)

Kill Cupid. Valentines Day Gifts = Stupid

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