Wednesday, March 18, 2009

I've got your Crown, I've got your Crown...

I obsess.

TV has been such repeats right lately. I mean WTF - just because it hit 70 in Chicago yesterday, doesn't mean it is summer!

Making up for the lack of new shows has been TLC. As you know, I obsess over Jon & Kate + 8 (who cares if Jon cheated with some college girls...who can blame him). But while getting my fix of the Gosslin’s, I got hooked on a promo for “Toddlers & Tiara’s.” The parents on the show are just too awesome to pass up.

If you aren’t familiar, the show profiles 3-4 girls training for a pageant and their parents. Eventually, all competitors and parents cross paths at one pageant. This is reality – no MTV Hills/City scripted stuff here folks.

Well in order to make it through the show, you need to know some key terms:

Glitz: That’s a pageant where the girls wear fake eyelashes, makeup, blinged out dresses and are spray tanned. If you add in fake nails and wigs, then that might be considered “high glitz.”

Wiglet: A nice big fake hairpiece that gives a ponytail more pony. They come in all colors - curly or straight.

Flipper: Fake teeth. Yep. These toddlers are loosing teeth, so some rich person created a fake teeth peice to hide ones taken by the tooth fairy. Think a grill without the bling, but a lot of white.

Confidence: Every parent’s response to why they enter their daughter into the pageants – “To build confidence.”

Spray Tent: This is a device (right) that crazy mom’s buy to tan their tots at home.

Tuesday was a classic episode of "Toddlers & Tiaras" because TLC profiled a young male contestant hailing from Charleston, WV. I loved the scene where five or six year-old southern boy explained to his barber that he was prepping for a beauty pageant. After that the boy’s redneck dad revealed that this is his son’s last competition. Next up: dirt bike racing. I won't reveal how this one ends, but it is a must catch on rerun. I almost teared up.

If you are looking for something even more trashier than "Toddlers & Tiaras" (Tuesday’s at 10/9 on TLC), than watch “Little Miss Perfect” on WE at 10 on Wednesdays. Bear with the show until the end when the host (to the right) sings to the girls. He claims he knows Miss B Spears from her early pageant days.

Yeah, I know this has nothing do to with entertaining, partying or getting wastey, but this show will be a great conversation starter during your next cocktail party. And I personally have started to add these words to my list of favorites "That outfit has so much Glitz."
(Pics: &,

No comments: